Sorry

Sorry.  The word no longer has any meaning coming from you. You say it over and over again promising that this won't happen again and yet here we are.  Sorry.  The message conveyed isn't that you will try not to do it again. The message conveyed is that you're saying it so that we go back to being normal. Sorry.  It doesn't come from within because you have too much of an ego to admit that you're wrong. You don't realise that leaving it behind is how you grow in a relationship. Sorry.  You keep on expecting us to be perfect not knowing that being perfect is a flaw. Sorry.  You want us to say it like we mean it, but we can't even get the word out of your mouth without another fight. Sorry.
Here I am, listening and not believing what you have to say. You say you won't do it again and here I am at the receiving end. All the words are forced words. If at one time you said it like you meant it, we wouldn't be here today.
Sorry. 

Day 11: Sassy Sisters & Spinach Teeth

This little one is back from Uni! And with the stories that I've seen and she's told me, I want her to go back so that I can hear more. But I'm glad she's back, she's the younger version of what I am now; sassy and sarcastic and I love it.  

I'm a foodie. I think it runs in my genes. If you've met my family (esp my dad), then you know what I'm talking about. But no matter what happens, sometimes the simplest recipes can make the yummiest food. Plus, it's somewhat healthy, even though it does get stuck in my teeth.
Spinach and Feta Pizza from Cafe O

Day 9: Burritos and Breakfast at Tiffany's

I know it's not as cold in Hong Kong as it is in the States or the UK, but I can't deal with the cold. 
Which is why, I am ever so grateful that I can wrap myself up in a blanket burrito and build pillow forts to keep myself warm. 

Oh, and a companion doesn't hurt either ;) (Don't mind the zombie-ness that is me)

And a little bit of Breakfast at Tiffany's

Day 1-6: Being Tested and Loved

As soon as I wrote my last post about being more positive, it's like the entire universe was out there to test me. The day after I decided that I would look at the silver lining of everything, my grandfather passed away. 
No one ever prepares you about what it's like to lose a loved one. No matter how much you think you've prepared, seeing the body in front of you and your whole family crying is too much to handle. 
However, I stuck to what I said. I looked on the good side. 
In the past week, I have been overwhelmed with the amount of love I have received from family and friends. Their outpouring of support has been nothing but amazing. People have been calling left, right and center to make sure that we're ok, offering food, laundry and even a bed to sleep on.
And my family? I couldn't have asked for anything better. Instead of grieving as people normally would, we decided to look back at the great memories we had. How all of us cousins at one point grew up in their house. How he would tell us the stories of the Mahabharat. How he made sure that in our family (mainly dominated by women), none of us ever felt inferior.
And the feasts he had? They were unimaginable. This would only occur when we went to visit them. He would call our entire family, which meant all my aunts, uncles and cousins and order food for all of us. All the talking, laughing and eating; that's what I remember him as.

He was a big man with an even bigger heart and I know that he's looking down upon us, smiling that we chose to remember him in this way.

We love you Bapai.

I Promise

They walked together whispering to each other, making sure that the mothers didn't hear. She wanted to part her advice secretly. She knew that her friend was going through the same thing she was, just to a lesser extent. But she was young. It would have a toll on her. And so this is what she said: "The only way to be happy is to take out the negativity in your life. If you listen to the bad things that people say all the time, you will get depressed. You won't start liking yourself. I learnt this the hard way, and I don't want you to go through it. Some people are hypocrites, some people are just negative, there's nothing you can do. Just quietly listen, nod your head and run it through one ear and out the other. You control your happiness, no one else does. You are an amazing person. You are thoughtful, kind and caring and that's what matters most. At least your parents listen to you and respond in a more positive way when you told them how you felt. That's what matters. Don't listen to something you don't want to. You don't have to. Surround yourself with people who like you and your company. People who are positive. Life will become much easier. I say this from experience." She hugged her friend and as she left, whispered in her ear "It will get better, I promise".

Falling in Love

As long as she could remember, she never felt like she was good enough. She never felt she was worth it. She never felt that she belonged.
It was countless years of disapproval from her parents that she turned out the way she was. Unhappy with all around her and thinking that she wasn't good enough for anyone out there. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, what made her think that she was good enough for anyone else? She started to look in the mirror and hated what she saw. Not only did she attack the way she looked; her skin broke out, her hair was falling and she thought that her thighs were too big, she started attacking her personality as well; she was too stubborn, she was rude and she was disrespectful.
When she left home, she entered a world that she didn't know existed. A world where people thought otherwise. People who thought she was beautiful. Beautiful on the inside. Who, when she pointed our her flaws, said that she was crazy and pointed out their own. It took her a long time to come to terms with this. She thought people were lying to her by saying she looked good. How could anyone think that if she herself didn't? Soon, she just listened and took it in and replied with a polite "thank you".
These were the people that she was the most comfortable with. The people that made her realise that who she was as a person was enough. That yes, people make mistakes, but they aren't put down for it. They were her stepping stones to something better. They started making her feel comfortable in her own skin.
Soon, she started waking up without that stomach turning feeling. Realising that she wasn't ugly or a disappointment. Realising that she was beautiful the way she was.
The stretch marks on her body, the pain in her eyes, the love handles that she hated. They were a part of her. A part of her story. A story that showed all her triumphs and disappointments. And for the first time in a long time, she fell in love.

Soulmates

Don't you sometimes think that some people just happen to click?
That no matter what happens, you would fly half way across the world for them?
And when they aren't there, it doesn't feel the same?
These people can be anyone. Your husband, wife, parents, siblings, friends, lovers or even pets.
Sometimes I think that the reason we live so far away from these people is because others would be jealous with what we have when we're together. That the world won't be able to handle us, since we'd create a lot of chaos. That one look can make you laugh and you know exactly what they're thinking without uttering a single word.
That's why we have these people everywhere we go, so that we always have someone to share our world with, no matter where we are.
Who are these people?
Soulmates.

I'm worth it

I don't know if I show it or not, but there are so many times in my life where I have had to deal with confidence issues. I think everyone goes through it in their lifetime at least once where they feel like they aren't worth it.

I have battled it many times, where what someone says affects me. But slowly over the years, I think that I've learned that what someone says doesn't matter. Of course it's hard when it happens to be a loved one that spouts out horrible things about you, but you can't let it affect you.

I've had many people tell me I'm worth it and I've shrugged it off in the past, but now I've started listening. I think the beginning of this year made me realise that this is my life and it's the only life that I have to live so I have to do it my way.

I can't listen to people with negativity in my life. I can't hold on to it. I have to take it in through one ear and out the other.

This isn't an easy process for me, but I am working on it. I try to avoid situations that aren't good for me and try not to take harsh words to heart.

Surround yourself with people who think you're worth it and more. I don't know if it'll help you, but it helped me.

I've started telling myself that I'm worth more than I think.

One day, I'll think I'm worth it all.

S

To You

I know I haven't written in the longest time, but I've been busy and I didn't have any inspiration to write. Bloggers block I guess you could say.

However, this post is dedicated to my friends.

I want to thank each and every one of you for being in my life and having the role that you do. Some of you are there for the deep meaningful conversations, some of you are there for the dreams, some of you are there for the silly nights and some of you are just there no matter what.

I know I don't show it much but I love you guys and I am really grateful to have such an amazing group of people who have supported me and will continue to do so in my journey through life.

These are the people who have been with me through my tantrums, my ups and my downs and I can't thank you enough.

You all know who you are, and if you don't, then I will make sure you do.

I don't know why it just hit me today, but I am very grateful for each and every one of you.

Thank you for helping me be who I am.

Don't ever change, I'll smack you.

S

Words stay in the heart

This past weekend, my parents and I got into a huge fight. Words were exchanged and doors were slammed. This is normal in every family, so why am I bringing it up?

It's because of the aftermath. Have you ever been in a fight where you try and remember what people have said and you just remember the negative things they've said about you?

People say that actions say more than words, but remember that words stay in the heart. Sometimes what you say out of anger can stay in the mind of someone else for long periods of time. Whether it's something as simple as "You're stupid" to "I hate you" to "You've ruined my life", you have to keep in mind the impact that it has on someone else.

I admit it, I've done it. I've said things out of anger that I sometimes wish I could take back, but that's the problem, you can't.

So many young men and women hear the negative things that we say and take it to heart. You can't help it, we're human. They magnify all the negative and live unhappy lives.

So just be careful what you say. They can either make or break someone's day and you'd rather be the cause of someone's smile than their frown.

And one last thing, never forget to tell someone you love them. People tend to forget that they are loved and we need to constantly remind them. Don't wait for the perfect moment, do it now.

S

Yeh Jaawani Hai Deewani

I'm grooving to Balam Pichkari right now after watching Yeh Jaawani Hai Deewani last night.

This is a movie that I think everyone has to watch. It's about family, love, being yourself, fulfilling your goals and above all your friends.

The movie brings together fours friends 8 years after a memorable trip and makes us look at where they are in life and how things have changed.

The reason I think everyone should watch it is because of the friendships and how they develop. We all have friends that we have lost touch with who used to mean the world to us. In this day and age, we all spend so much time worrying about our careers and where we want to be in 10 years, that sometimes we forget the relationships we had. 

I'm not saying that it's bad to focus on your career and be the best you can be, all I'm saying is that sometimes while doing that, you can forget the reasoning behind it. At the end of your life, when you look back upon it, are you going to remember all the money you made, or all the relationships you made?

When focusing on your life and seeing the world, we can forget the small things in life and miss out on the most important moments of the people that love you. 

It's not bad to sometimes take a deep breath and slow down. Sometimes you experience the best things at that moment.

S