Sorry

Sorry.  The word no longer has any meaning coming from you. You say it over and over again promising that this won't happen again and yet here we are.  Sorry.  The message conveyed isn't that you will try not to do it again. The message conveyed is that you're saying it so that we go back to being normal. Sorry.  It doesn't come from within because you have too much of an ego to admit that you're wrong. You don't realise that leaving it behind is how you grow in a relationship. Sorry.  You keep on expecting us to be perfect not knowing that being perfect is a flaw. Sorry.  You want us to say it like we mean it, but we can't even get the word out of your mouth without another fight. Sorry.
Here I am, listening and not believing what you have to say. You say you won't do it again and here I am at the receiving end. All the words are forced words. If at one time you said it like you meant it, we wouldn't be here today.
Sorry. 

Day 12: Modern Family

Modern Family. 

A mix of everything possible and sometimes making my family look sane.

Day 11: Sassy Sisters & Spinach Teeth

This little one is back from Uni! And with the stories that I've seen and she's told me, I want her to go back so that I can hear more. But I'm glad she's back, she's the younger version of what I am now; sassy and sarcastic and I love it.  

I'm a foodie. I think it runs in my genes. If you've met my family (esp my dad), then you know what I'm talking about. But no matter what happens, sometimes the simplest recipes can make the yummiest food. Plus, it's somewhat healthy, even though it does get stuck in my teeth.
Spinach and Feta Pizza from Cafe O

Day 1-6: Being Tested and Loved

As soon as I wrote my last post about being more positive, it's like the entire universe was out there to test me. The day after I decided that I would look at the silver lining of everything, my grandfather passed away. 
No one ever prepares you about what it's like to lose a loved one. No matter how much you think you've prepared, seeing the body in front of you and your whole family crying is too much to handle. 
However, I stuck to what I said. I looked on the good side. 
In the past week, I have been overwhelmed with the amount of love I have received from family and friends. Their outpouring of support has been nothing but amazing. People have been calling left, right and center to make sure that we're ok, offering food, laundry and even a bed to sleep on.
And my family? I couldn't have asked for anything better. Instead of grieving as people normally would, we decided to look back at the great memories we had. How all of us cousins at one point grew up in their house. How he would tell us the stories of the Mahabharat. How he made sure that in our family (mainly dominated by women), none of us ever felt inferior.
And the feasts he had? They were unimaginable. This would only occur when we went to visit them. He would call our entire family, which meant all my aunts, uncles and cousins and order food for all of us. All the talking, laughing and eating; that's what I remember him as.

He was a big man with an even bigger heart and I know that he's looking down upon us, smiling that we chose to remember him in this way.

We love you Bapai.

I Promise

They walked together whispering to each other, making sure that the mothers didn't hear. She wanted to part her advice secretly. She knew that her friend was going through the same thing she was, just to a lesser extent. But she was young. It would have a toll on her. And so this is what she said: "The only way to be happy is to take out the negativity in your life. If you listen to the bad things that people say all the time, you will get depressed. You won't start liking yourself. I learnt this the hard way, and I don't want you to go through it. Some people are hypocrites, some people are just negative, there's nothing you can do. Just quietly listen, nod your head and run it through one ear and out the other. You control your happiness, no one else does. You are an amazing person. You are thoughtful, kind and caring and that's what matters most. At least your parents listen to you and respond in a more positive way when you told them how you felt. That's what matters. Don't listen to something you don't want to. You don't have to. Surround yourself with people who like you and your company. People who are positive. Life will become much easier. I say this from experience." She hugged her friend and as she left, whispered in her ear "It will get better, I promise".

Falling in Love

As long as she could remember, she never felt like she was good enough. She never felt she was worth it. She never felt that she belonged.
It was countless years of disapproval from her parents that she turned out the way she was. Unhappy with all around her and thinking that she wasn't good enough for anyone out there. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, what made her think that she was good enough for anyone else? She started to look in the mirror and hated what she saw. Not only did she attack the way she looked; her skin broke out, her hair was falling and she thought that her thighs were too big, she started attacking her personality as well; she was too stubborn, she was rude and she was disrespectful.
When she left home, she entered a world that she didn't know existed. A world where people thought otherwise. People who thought she was beautiful. Beautiful on the inside. Who, when she pointed our her flaws, said that she was crazy and pointed out their own. It took her a long time to come to terms with this. She thought people were lying to her by saying she looked good. How could anyone think that if she herself didn't? Soon, she just listened and took it in and replied with a polite "thank you".
These were the people that she was the most comfortable with. The people that made her realise that who she was as a person was enough. That yes, people make mistakes, but they aren't put down for it. They were her stepping stones to something better. They started making her feel comfortable in her own skin.
Soon, she started waking up without that stomach turning feeling. Realising that she wasn't ugly or a disappointment. Realising that she was beautiful the way she was.
The stretch marks on her body, the pain in her eyes, the love handles that she hated. They were a part of her. A part of her story. A story that showed all her triumphs and disappointments. And for the first time in a long time, she fell in love.

Siblings

I've been thinking about what to write since it's been a really long time since my last post, and yet nothing came into my head. This last week, my brother came home and it gave me time to reflect.
When my mother was pregnant, I wished for a younger sister or an older sibling. Someone that would pamper me and look after me or someone younger that I could share all my secrets with. Not once did I want a younger brother because I thought he would be the most immature person in the world and really annoying.
Growing up, he had a talent that surpassed quite a few people. He picked up a cricket ball at an early age and has flourished into an amazing cricket player. Along with that, I can say with a lot of confidence, that he has become one of the brightest, mature and handsome men that I've met. I'm not saying this just because he's my brother, I've heard it from other people that he has become a kind, young man, who matured quite quickly.
As a sibling, I didn't have much to offer him. With our age difference being so big, and my parents taking care of his studies and cricket, all I could say to him was to make sure he didn't make the same mistakes I did.
And he hasn't. My brother has excelled in everything he has done. He put in tons of hard work and it's all paid off. My brother is one of the most amazing people I have met. Not once do I wish I had someone else as my sibling because even though he's 16 and probably immature many times, he's the one person I can turn to for anything. Someone who when he comes home will fight for me and fight with me. 
We've grown up from biting each other and fighting each other to talking walks, watching movies and fighting over food. And he's the one person who hasn't judged me. At all. No matter what my flaws are or the mistakes I've made, he's the only one who has seen me for the person I am and nothing else. He knows that people make mistakes and he sees me for that. That doesn't mean that he doesn't shout at me when I make a mistake. Of course he does! But that's why I love him.
I'm probably writing this because he left last week and I miss the fact that the house isn't noisy anymore and no one is watching TV or the PS3. 
But I know that he's someone who will do anything for me, just like I would do for him.

Soulmates

Don't you sometimes think that some people just happen to click?
That no matter what happens, you would fly half way across the world for them?
And when they aren't there, it doesn't feel the same?
These people can be anyone. Your husband, wife, parents, siblings, friends, lovers or even pets.
Sometimes I think that the reason we live so far away from these people is because others would be jealous with what we have when we're together. That the world won't be able to handle us, since we'd create a lot of chaos. That one look can make you laugh and you know exactly what they're thinking without uttering a single word.
That's why we have these people everywhere we go, so that we always have someone to share our world with, no matter where we are.
Who are these people?
Soulmates.

Words stay in the heart

This past weekend, my parents and I got into a huge fight. Words were exchanged and doors were slammed. This is normal in every family, so why am I bringing it up?

It's because of the aftermath. Have you ever been in a fight where you try and remember what people have said and you just remember the negative things they've said about you?

People say that actions say more than words, but remember that words stay in the heart. Sometimes what you say out of anger can stay in the mind of someone else for long periods of time. Whether it's something as simple as "You're stupid" to "I hate you" to "You've ruined my life", you have to keep in mind the impact that it has on someone else.

I admit it, I've done it. I've said things out of anger that I sometimes wish I could take back, but that's the problem, you can't.

So many young men and women hear the negative things that we say and take it to heart. You can't help it, we're human. They magnify all the negative and live unhappy lives.

So just be careful what you say. They can either make or break someone's day and you'd rather be the cause of someone's smile than their frown.

And one last thing, never forget to tell someone you love them. People tend to forget that they are loved and we need to constantly remind them. Don't wait for the perfect moment, do it now.

S