Falling in Love

As long as she could remember, she never felt like she was good enough. She never felt she was worth it. She never felt that she belonged.
It was countless years of disapproval from her parents that she turned out the way she was. Unhappy with all around her and thinking that she wasn't good enough for anyone out there. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, what made her think that she was good enough for anyone else? She started to look in the mirror and hated what she saw. Not only did she attack the way she looked; her skin broke out, her hair was falling and she thought that her thighs were too big, she started attacking her personality as well; she was too stubborn, she was rude and she was disrespectful.
When she left home, she entered a world that she didn't know existed. A world where people thought otherwise. People who thought she was beautiful. Beautiful on the inside. Who, when she pointed our her flaws, said that she was crazy and pointed out their own. It took her a long time to come to terms with this. She thought people were lying to her by saying she looked good. How could anyone think that if she herself didn't? Soon, she just listened and took it in and replied with a polite "thank you".
These were the people that she was the most comfortable with. The people that made her realise that who she was as a person was enough. That yes, people make mistakes, but they aren't put down for it. They were her stepping stones to something better. They started making her feel comfortable in her own skin.
Soon, she started waking up without that stomach turning feeling. Realising that she wasn't ugly or a disappointment. Realising that she was beautiful the way she was.
The stretch marks on her body, the pain in her eyes, the love handles that she hated. They were a part of her. A part of her story. A story that showed all her triumphs and disappointments. And for the first time in a long time, she fell in love.

Army of Shadows

We, as people tend to live life looking at the past and worrying that it will affect the future. We worry that we are too dependent on someone else and that their happiness is the only way we will be happy.
We worry.
I happen to be one of those people. I was always worried that my past will determine what my future will hold. I was always worried that making other people happy will result in my happiness, but that isn't the case. I can't live life for someone else. I can't live life in the past.
I'm taking small steps to make sure that I am happy with me. That my happiness isn't dependent on someone else. That my past doesn't determine my future. This doesn't mean that if someone is happy, I'm not. It doesn't mean that I won't try to make someone smile. I do that. Or at least I try to do that. All I'm saying is that if someone is upset at you or angry at you, don't let it bring you down. Don't let it dampen your mood. 
You control your emotions. You control your reaction. You control your life. Live in the moment. Live in the now. Don't dwell on the past and don't look towards the future. Don't look for someone else to be happy. Look within. When you're happy with yourself, the universe makes sure that everything falls into place. Not only are you happy, but everyone around you is happy as well. 
All saints have a past, all sinners have a future. The only thing holding us back is our Army of Shadows.

I'm worth it

I don't know if I show it or not, but there are so many times in my life where I have had to deal with confidence issues. I think everyone goes through it in their lifetime at least once where they feel like they aren't worth it.

I have battled it many times, where what someone says affects me. But slowly over the years, I think that I've learned that what someone says doesn't matter. Of course it's hard when it happens to be a loved one that spouts out horrible things about you, but you can't let it affect you.

I've had many people tell me I'm worth it and I've shrugged it off in the past, but now I've started listening. I think the beginning of this year made me realise that this is my life and it's the only life that I have to live so I have to do it my way.

I can't listen to people with negativity in my life. I can't hold on to it. I have to take it in through one ear and out the other.

This isn't an easy process for me, but I am working on it. I try to avoid situations that aren't good for me and try not to take harsh words to heart.

Surround yourself with people who think you're worth it and more. I don't know if it'll help you, but it helped me.

I've started telling myself that I'm worth more than I think.

One day, I'll think I'm worth it all.

S