As long as she could remember, she never felt like she was good enough. She never felt she was worth it. She never felt that she belonged.
It was countless years of disapproval from her parents that she turned out the way she was. Unhappy with all around her and thinking that she wasn't good enough for anyone out there. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, what made her think that she was good enough for anyone else? She started to look in the mirror and hated what she saw. Not only did she attack the way she looked; her skin broke out, her hair was falling and she thought that her thighs were too big, she started attacking her personality as well; she was too stubborn, she was rude and she was disrespectful.
When she left home, she entered a world that she didn't know existed. A world where people thought otherwise. People who thought she was beautiful. Beautiful on the inside. Who, when she pointed our her flaws, said that she was crazy and pointed out their own. It took her a long time to come to terms with this. She thought people were lying to her by saying she looked good. How could anyone think that if she herself didn't? Soon, she just listened and took it in and replied with a polite "thank you".
These were the people that she was the most comfortable with. The people that made her realise that who she was as a person was enough. That yes, people make mistakes, but they aren't put down for it. They were her stepping stones to something better. They started making her feel comfortable in her own skin.
Soon, she started waking up without that stomach turning feeling. Realising that she wasn't ugly or a disappointment. Realising that she was beautiful the way she was.
The stretch marks on her body, the pain in her eyes, the love handles that she hated. They were a part of her. A part of her story. A story that showed all her triumphs and disappointments. And for the first time in a long time, she fell in love.
I've been thinking about what to write since it's been a really long time since my last post, and yet nothing came into my head. This last week, my brother came home and it gave me time to reflect.
When my mother was pregnant, I wished for a younger sister or an older sibling. Someone that would pamper me and look after me or someone younger that I could share all my secrets with. Not once did I want a younger brother because I thought he would be the most immature person in the world and really annoying.
Growing up, he had a talent that surpassed quite a few people. He picked up a cricket ball at an early age and has flourished into an amazing cricket player. Along with that, I can say with a lot of confidence, that he has become one of the brightest, mature and handsome men that I've met. I'm not saying this just because he's my brother, I've heard it from other people that he has become a kind, young man, who matured quite quickly.
As a sibling, I didn't have much to offer him. With our age difference being so big, and my parents taking care of his studies and cricket, all I could say to him was to make sure he didn't make the same mistakes I did.
And he hasn't. My brother has excelled in everything he has done. He put in tons of hard work and it's all paid off. My brother is one of the most amazing people I have met. Not once do I wish I had someone else as my sibling because even though he's 16 and probably immature many times, he's the one person I can turn to for anything. Someone who when he comes home will fight for me and fight with me.
We've grown up from biting each other and fighting each other to talking walks, watching movies and fighting over food. And he's the one person who hasn't judged me. At all. No matter what my flaws are or the mistakes I've made, he's the only one who has seen me for the person I am and nothing else. He knows that people make mistakes and he sees me for that. That doesn't mean that he doesn't shout at me when I make a mistake. Of course he does! But that's why I love him.
I'm probably writing this because he left last week and I miss the fact that the house isn't noisy anymore and no one is watching TV or the PS3.
But I know that he's someone who will do anything for me, just like I would do for him.
