A lot of times it takes us a great deal of strength to be happy. Genuinely happy. To know that we are content with who we are, what we're doing and be unapologetic about it.
She used to wake up every morning saying that she'd make him proud. That'd she'd be the apple of his eye. But it wasn't mean to be that way. Everyday something or another wasn't good enough. And it was her sibling who overshadowed her.
She didn't mind it. She was proud of him too. His achievements were things that dreams were made of. And she was happy that he was achieving them. Yet, she wondered why it was so that he could do what he wanted and she couldn't. She put her creative streak in check, trying to please him. Eventually, learning that it would never be good enough, she stopped trying.
She wasn't interested in anything that she did. But when the moment came where she could unleash her creative side, her eye shone. She loved that she could express herself, even if it was only for a moment. She knew that this was the only time she had, and she took advantage of it.
As she grew up, she realised that it didn't matter to him whether she did well or not. She would never be good enough. And that was the day that she learned that she could be happy. Happy without anyone's approval. That it came from within.
So she decided to be who she was. She decided to fight for what she wanted. She was called a rebel, unruly and rude. But she was unapologetic about it. She decided to fight for herself. Why?
Because she knew she was good enough.
She was very grateful for the people in her life. The people that supported her. The people that cared about her. The people that loved her.
Being berated and insulted almost on a daily basis on many things that were not her fault had taken a toll on her self confidence and her dreams. She went around believing that what he said was right. She wasn't smart, or pretty or well-mannered.
But she had her secret weapon. Them. The people who no matter what, showered her with love. Made her feel wanted. Made her happy. She could be who she was with them. They were the reason for her smile.
So she no longer lived in silence. She spoke her mind. She voiced her thoughts. She had opinions. And she started following her dreams.
She started becoming happy.
As long as she could remember, she never felt like she was good enough. She never felt she was worth it. She never felt that she belonged.
It was countless years of disapproval from her parents that she turned out the way she was. Unhappy with all around her and thinking that she wasn't good enough for anyone out there. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, what made her think that she was good enough for anyone else? She started to look in the mirror and hated what she saw. Not only did she attack the way she looked; her skin broke out, her hair was falling and she thought that her thighs were too big, she started attacking her personality as well; she was too stubborn, she was rude and she was disrespectful.
When she left home, she entered a world that she didn't know existed. A world where people thought otherwise. People who thought she was beautiful. Beautiful on the inside. Who, when she pointed our her flaws, said that she was crazy and pointed out their own. It took her a long time to come to terms with this. She thought people were lying to her by saying she looked good. How could anyone think that if she herself didn't? Soon, she just listened and took it in and replied with a polite "thank you".
These were the people that she was the most comfortable with. The people that made her realise that who she was as a person was enough. That yes, people make mistakes, but they aren't put down for it. They were her stepping stones to something better. They started making her feel comfortable in her own skin.
Soon, she started waking up without that stomach turning feeling. Realising that she wasn't ugly or a disappointment. Realising that she was beautiful the way she was.
The stretch marks on her body, the pain in her eyes, the love handles that she hated. They were a part of her. A part of her story. A story that showed all her triumphs and disappointments. And for the first time in a long time, she fell in love.
