Power of Change

Every single time we have hope in humanity, something always tests us.
The abuse of prisoners in the US. The hostage situation in Sydney. And now, the children who were killed in Peshawar.
132 of them. 9 staff. 
These were the children of the future. The children that with the education that they had, would have changed the world that we lived in, making it better. They would have been doctors, teachers, lawyers, business owners. 
It was the reason they got up in the morning. And now, they can't.
That's what the they were afraid of. Of what these children could do. Of the power that they had. The potential that they had.
Let's make sure that these children didn't die in vain. That we can make the world a better place. For the future. So that children can go to school without worrying about being shot or bombed. That they can be successful business owners, doctors, teachers, lawyers. That they do have the power.
The power of change.

Learning Respect

Rape in India has been a large issue in the last two years after a girl died after being gang-raped in 2012. Once again, it surfaced on the news when a woman was raped by her Uber driver in Delhi. There have been countless pleas from women all over asking for the Justice System to work and make sure that the people who have raped others be given a sentence that they deserve. We talk about becoming a society that will grow exponentially. That will make leaps and bounds in the next couple of years, but how are we supposed to do that when people don't feel safe?  I don't mean just women by the way. Men get raped too.  If we can't stop objectifying people, how are we supposed to grow as a nation? Can the person who committed this crime not realise that this person is a relative of someone else? What would happen if someone raped your family member? Imagine this: She walks down the street. It's 10pm and she's on her way to meet her friends for drinks. She's wearing a jeans and a top, nothing too fancy because she wanted to be home soon. The bar was close by, so she decided to walk instead of taking a taxi.
As she walks, a man starts walking behind her and follows her. She notices him and starts walking faster, hoping she can make it to the bar in time. 
She doesn't.
He grabs her and puts his hand across her mouth as he drags her behind the building. She struggles as much as she can and tries to scream. Yet it doesn't work.
He forces her on the floor and starts to lift up her shirt so that he can fondle her. Then he starts unbuttoning her jeans. He's too heavy for her to push him off her. He pulls down her jeans and she goes limp, too stunned to say anything. While he's inside her, he says that if she tells anyone, then he'll hurt her family. 
When he's done, he zips his pants and walks away.
She, is lying on the floor, unable to move because of how painful it is.
This is not a scene that you want to picture, and yet it happens more frequently than we think. Imagine if this happened to your family member. Your sister, mother, daughter. On top of that, reporting this and knowing that nothing is being done. Makes your blood boil, doesn't it? So then how can these men do this to our women.  We spend a lot of time worshiping Goddesses and saying that since cows provide us with milk, we shall not harm them and let them roam freely on the streets and yet to someone who has mothered us and given us life, we decide to defile them? In rural India, a lot of people think that men are worth more. That they will be able to plow fields, build houses, etc. But please ask me this, who gave birth to them? Who fed them, taught them and helped them grow? Women. And yet, these are the women that get treated the worst. We as a nation, no, we as a planet should all strive for one thing. Safety. We should have roads, bars, houses, cars that are all safe to use at different hours of the day. Men and women should feel safe whether they walk along the roads at 3pm or 3am. Men and women should know that they are ever violated, in any way, then something will be done. Men and women should know that their children will be ok if they take public transport by themselves.  It all begins with respect. Respect one another. Respect the old man that walks down the street. Respect the police officer that is trying to help you. Respect the small girl that is eating her ice cream. Teach your children to respect everyone. That everyone should be equals. No one should be looked down upon or looked up to like Gods. No one should be objectified. No one should be hurt. Only then, will everyone be safe.

Day 12: Modern Family

Modern Family. 

A mix of everything possible and sometimes making my family look sane.

Day 11: Sassy Sisters & Spinach Teeth

This little one is back from Uni! And with the stories that I've seen and she's told me, I want her to go back so that I can hear more. But I'm glad she's back, she's the younger version of what I am now; sassy and sarcastic and I love it.  

I'm a foodie. I think it runs in my genes. If you've met my family (esp my dad), then you know what I'm talking about. But no matter what happens, sometimes the simplest recipes can make the yummiest food. Plus, it's somewhat healthy, even though it does get stuck in my teeth.
Spinach and Feta Pizza from Cafe O

Day 10: Little Divas & New Beginnings

Kids can be annoying. Especially on planes. However, once in a while, they can be cute. And I swear this little diva puts a smile on my face.

This was her birthday wish to me, and I swear I just wanted to squish her
Anddddd, a special special congratulations to my bubby Sarika for her new jobbbbb! It's such a huge step to move to another city and do this, so I only want to wish you all the luck in the world my love! I know that when the new year rolls in, in a new place and a new job, only better things can happen. Maybe even a new boy ;)
Your place better be filled with wine and champagne and chocolate!

Day 9: Burritos and Breakfast at Tiffany's

I know it's not as cold in Hong Kong as it is in the States or the UK, but I can't deal with the cold. 
Which is why, I am ever so grateful that I can wrap myself up in a blanket burrito and build pillow forts to keep myself warm. 

Oh, and a companion doesn't hurt either ;) (Don't mind the zombie-ness that is me)

And a little bit of Breakfast at Tiffany's

Day 8: Homemade Sundays

I read a LOT. Well, I used to, and I'll get lost in the books I read. I need to catch up on my reading, and since I've been alone at home, I've had time to catch up on a couple of books.  A cup of coffee and good book is THE perfect way to start off my Sunday morning. 

There's nothing more comforting than home-cooked food. And better still, if you've made it by yourself. I SUCK at making Indian food. There are too many spices for my head to comprehend, which is why I usually stick to western food (my go-to dish is Risotto). The only Indian thing I can make is Chai. Oh! And Maggi. So today, I felt quite victorious when I made 3-dal Dal Takda (instructions were given via my parentals in India). And, it was yummy. 

Day 7: Long distance lovin'

To live in this generation means that the world is smaller. We have gone lightyears ahead from letters to using video chat like Skype.
Catching up with this lil cutie after such a long time is such a stress relief! Seeing people's faces over Skype is basically one step down from seeing a person face-to-face. Face-to-screen is good enough for me right now ;)
I'm glad that other than just talking to her on the phone, I can see her reaction and goofy face to everything I've said and I can't wait to squish herrrrrr. 

Day 1-6: Being Tested and Loved

As soon as I wrote my last post about being more positive, it's like the entire universe was out there to test me. The day after I decided that I would look at the silver lining of everything, my grandfather passed away. 
No one ever prepares you about what it's like to lose a loved one. No matter how much you think you've prepared, seeing the body in front of you and your whole family crying is too much to handle. 
However, I stuck to what I said. I looked on the good side. 
In the past week, I have been overwhelmed with the amount of love I have received from family and friends. Their outpouring of support has been nothing but amazing. People have been calling left, right and center to make sure that we're ok, offering food, laundry and even a bed to sleep on.
And my family? I couldn't have asked for anything better. Instead of grieving as people normally would, we decided to look back at the great memories we had. How all of us cousins at one point grew up in their house. How he would tell us the stories of the Mahabharat. How he made sure that in our family (mainly dominated by women), none of us ever felt inferior.
And the feasts he had? They were unimaginable. This would only occur when we went to visit them. He would call our entire family, which meant all my aunts, uncles and cousins and order food for all of us. All the talking, laughing and eating; that's what I remember him as.

He was a big man with an even bigger heart and I know that he's looking down upon us, smiling that we chose to remember him in this way.

We love you Bapai.

The Glass Half-Full

I happen to be the type of a person who sees the glass as half-empty. I've tried many times to be the half-full, but I told myself why build myself up for disappointment?
However, that shouldn't be the case. Hope is the one thing that gives people the strength to go beyond what they dreamed of. To think outside the box. And it's not just that, I think my entire mindset has to change. It has been slowly changing, I think I've become a slightly more positive person (fingers crossed) than what I used to be a year ago. 
And so I want to start this so that I continue to be happy and remind myself everyday that I have something to be grateful for. A reminder that the glass is half-full.
This is my personal journey. This is not to say that I won't write like I usually do. I will, but those will be additional posts. 
I will write everyday. I will write about something that makes me happy or something I am grateful for.
This, hopefully will open my eyes to the amount of things that make me happy. The small things that we tend to forget.
So I'm not asking you to do the same thing. But I do hope that you continue on this journey of mine, and once in a while take the time out to look at what makes you smile :)

I Promise

They walked together whispering to each other, making sure that the mothers didn't hear. She wanted to part her advice secretly. She knew that her friend was going through the same thing she was, just to a lesser extent. But she was young. It would have a toll on her. And so this is what she said: "The only way to be happy is to take out the negativity in your life. If you listen to the bad things that people say all the time, you will get depressed. You won't start liking yourself. I learnt this the hard way, and I don't want you to go through it. Some people are hypocrites, some people are just negative, there's nothing you can do. Just quietly listen, nod your head and run it through one ear and out the other. You control your happiness, no one else does. You are an amazing person. You are thoughtful, kind and caring and that's what matters most. At least your parents listen to you and respond in a more positive way when you told them how you felt. That's what matters. Don't listen to something you don't want to. You don't have to. Surround yourself with people who like you and your company. People who are positive. Life will become much easier. I say this from experience." She hugged her friend and as she left, whispered in her ear "It will get better, I promise".

Grateful

She was very grateful for the people in her life. The people that supported her. The people that cared about her. The people that loved her.
Being berated and insulted almost on a daily basis on many things that were not her fault had taken a toll on her self confidence and her dreams. She went around believing that what he said was right. She wasn't smart, or pretty or well-mannered.
But she had her secret weapon. Them. The people who no matter what, showered her with love. Made her feel wanted. Made her happy. She could be who she was with them. They were the reason for her smile. 
So she no longer lived in silence. She spoke her mind. She voiced her thoughts. She had opinions. And she started following her dreams. 
She started becoming happy.

Rebuilding

She was lying on her carpet, her face streaming with tears, crying out loudly over all the frustrations that she had. All the fights, all the failures, all the self-doubt. Each wail stood for one frustration after another. 
After about an hour or so, after her wails had turned into sobs, heaving, and soon nothing, she got up. Her throat dry, her eyes swollen and her nose stuffed. This was nothing new.
She wasn't the kind of woman who let her frustrations out; only a handful knew what she was going through. All the anger, all the frustration, all the sadness. It was all inside. She would be like this until one day it would be too much to handle. Those were the days this happened. A fight at home would trigger her and it wasn't just shallow crying, it was a cry from her soul.
This was her way of breaking down. This was her way of rebuilding. Of starting new. This was her way of making sure that her frustrations didn't follow her. That they stayed there. In the tears that she shed.

All Stitched Up

She was so nervous. Her hands sweating, and her mind racing over and over again as to what she should say. This was one of the hardest things she had to do. She took the plunge and said it.
Telling someone how you feel is one of the hardest things that people do. I don't think it's about facing the rejection that may come along your way, which it may. I think it's more along the lines of the fact that you've been so vulnerable with someone. To tell them how your heart works. In a sense, that's what you're offering them and you're scared that instead of helping you protect it, or even giving it back to you, they'll destroy it.
This is why communication is so hard. Telling someone how you feel is seen as being vulnerable. But it's not. We live in a world where we are scared of being open with other people because we're scared that they'll use it against us. But telling someone how we feel only makes us stronger. It means that we're not scared. That we're not afraid. That we're confident that we can handle what's coming for us.
Think about it from the other person's point of view. Wouldn't you be happy if someone told you that they loved you? Wouldn't it make life easier if you knew what the other person was thinking, what they were feeling, what they wanted?
She was so scared because of her past, that she didn't want it to affect her future. She didn't want to tell him because she didn't want to give him a part of her heart. It wasn't whole. Her heart had been broken and stitched up many times. She was scared that it'd be broken and stitched up again. But only when she looked inside of her did she see that her heart was stronger than before. That these stitches were the reason she could offer a part of it to him. What had hurt her in the past, wasn't going to hurt her in the future.
"You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you."
And she didn't mind getting hurt by him, because she knew she could handle it.

Falling in Love

As long as she could remember, she never felt like she was good enough. She never felt she was worth it. She never felt that she belonged.
It was countless years of disapproval from her parents that she turned out the way she was. Unhappy with all around her and thinking that she wasn't good enough for anyone out there. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, what made her think that she was good enough for anyone else? She started to look in the mirror and hated what she saw. Not only did she attack the way she looked; her skin broke out, her hair was falling and she thought that her thighs were too big, she started attacking her personality as well; she was too stubborn, she was rude and she was disrespectful.
When she left home, she entered a world that she didn't know existed. A world where people thought otherwise. People who thought she was beautiful. Beautiful on the inside. Who, when she pointed our her flaws, said that she was crazy and pointed out their own. It took her a long time to come to terms with this. She thought people were lying to her by saying she looked good. How could anyone think that if she herself didn't? Soon, she just listened and took it in and replied with a polite "thank you".
These were the people that she was the most comfortable with. The people that made her realise that who she was as a person was enough. That yes, people make mistakes, but they aren't put down for it. They were her stepping stones to something better. They started making her feel comfortable in her own skin.
Soon, she started waking up without that stomach turning feeling. Realising that she wasn't ugly or a disappointment. Realising that she was beautiful the way she was.
The stretch marks on her body, the pain in her eyes, the love handles that she hated. They were a part of her. A part of her story. A story that showed all her triumphs and disappointments. And for the first time in a long time, she fell in love.

Army of Shadows

We, as people tend to live life looking at the past and worrying that it will affect the future. We worry that we are too dependent on someone else and that their happiness is the only way we will be happy.
We worry.
I happen to be one of those people. I was always worried that my past will determine what my future will hold. I was always worried that making other people happy will result in my happiness, but that isn't the case. I can't live life for someone else. I can't live life in the past.
I'm taking small steps to make sure that I am happy with me. That my happiness isn't dependent on someone else. That my past doesn't determine my future. This doesn't mean that if someone is happy, I'm not. It doesn't mean that I won't try to make someone smile. I do that. Or at least I try to do that. All I'm saying is that if someone is upset at you or angry at you, don't let it bring you down. Don't let it dampen your mood. 
You control your emotions. You control your reaction. You control your life. Live in the moment. Live in the now. Don't dwell on the past and don't look towards the future. Don't look for someone else to be happy. Look within. When you're happy with yourself, the universe makes sure that everything falls into place. Not only are you happy, but everyone around you is happy as well. 
All saints have a past, all sinners have a future. The only thing holding us back is our Army of Shadows.

Happy Daddy's Day

The person I am now; someone who always has an opinion, someone who is not afraid to say it out loud, and someone who sometimes has anger issues is because of one person, my dad. From the time I was born, I have always been a daddy's girl to the point that when I was small and he left town, I would get sick. 
Even now, I'm the girl that looked for him in the crowd when I graduated, showed him photos of my trophy and waits for the smile on his face when I think I've done well. Even though there have been times where we've had our differences, he's always been there to pull me up, tell me that I should move on from the past and not dwell on it and look forward. He's always given me words of encouragement, words of wisdom, and sometimes just words (mainly to do with lame jokes that no one understands). Coming from Bhubaneswar all the way Hong Kong and living the way we do, I can't thank him enough for the life that he has given me, the opportunities I've had and the people I've met. Thank you pitashree, I love you more than words! I hope that one day I can give you what you've given me and make you proud of me as I am of you.

Siblings

I've been thinking about what to write since it's been a really long time since my last post, and yet nothing came into my head. This last week, my brother came home and it gave me time to reflect.
When my mother was pregnant, I wished for a younger sister or an older sibling. Someone that would pamper me and look after me or someone younger that I could share all my secrets with. Not once did I want a younger brother because I thought he would be the most immature person in the world and really annoying.
Growing up, he had a talent that surpassed quite a few people. He picked up a cricket ball at an early age and has flourished into an amazing cricket player. Along with that, I can say with a lot of confidence, that he has become one of the brightest, mature and handsome men that I've met. I'm not saying this just because he's my brother, I've heard it from other people that he has become a kind, young man, who matured quite quickly.
As a sibling, I didn't have much to offer him. With our age difference being so big, and my parents taking care of his studies and cricket, all I could say to him was to make sure he didn't make the same mistakes I did.
And he hasn't. My brother has excelled in everything he has done. He put in tons of hard work and it's all paid off. My brother is one of the most amazing people I have met. Not once do I wish I had someone else as my sibling because even though he's 16 and probably immature many times, he's the one person I can turn to for anything. Someone who when he comes home will fight for me and fight with me. 
We've grown up from biting each other and fighting each other to talking walks, watching movies and fighting over food. And he's the one person who hasn't judged me. At all. No matter what my flaws are or the mistakes I've made, he's the only one who has seen me for the person I am and nothing else. He knows that people make mistakes and he sees me for that. That doesn't mean that he doesn't shout at me when I make a mistake. Of course he does! But that's why I love him.
I'm probably writing this because he left last week and I miss the fact that the house isn't noisy anymore and no one is watching TV or the PS3. 
But I know that he's someone who will do anything for me, just like I would do for him.

Happy Mummy's Day

Since the day we are born until the day we die, there is nothing more comforting than being taken care of by your mother. May it be the age of 5, 20 or even 50, you always want your mother when you are sick, or going through a crisis or even just to gossip with.
I know growing up, I was never an easy child and I constantly fought with her about my opinions and how different they were to hers. How she was old fashioned and life wasn't how it was when she was a kid. And yet, despite all my tantrums, everyday as I left the house, she would say she loved me. 
My mother is a simple woman. She's doesn't care what people wear or what they say, as long as they are good at heart. She's the type of person who will cuddle with you when you're not feeling well and feed you even when you're not hungry. She turned from being my mother to being one of my closest friends. A person who is always there for me.
Being a mother is not easy task, as you can see here. But it's one of the most important jobs in the world. And one that other people take for granted.
So here's to you mummy. Thank you for being there for me and believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself. Thank you for bearing with my tantrums and stubbornness since I was born. Thank you for allowing me to irritate you every single day. And most of all, thank you for loving me unconditionally.
I love you (even though I may not say it enough)
So here is to another 23 years of annoying you and many more.

The Invisible Women

This article shocked me in more ways that I can imagine. Maybe it's because I live abroad, or that I have lived a sheltered life. You could say that it's because I'm spoilt, but I never thought that being divorced, widowed, raped, etc. could condemn a woman to live the life that these "invisible women" live.
How is it that in a country where we all say that we are modern and forward thinking that someone who has been raped can't live a normal life and has to be shunned from society and looked down upon. Why is it that a woman who stood up for herself while living in an abusive relationship now has to live in a dingy room. 
These women did not choose their future and they are trying to move forward which itself is hard from the circumstances that they have been in and yet we as a society decide that we will not allow them to.
It's sad to think that mothers are abandoned, that wives are left and that victims are looked down upon. 
It's not difficult to wonder why these things happened in the first place instead of thinking that these women have committed a mistake. How hard is it to lend a helping hand? To help look after a single mother's child while she has to work? To offer up a room so that your mother can stay? To take in your sister or daughter so that she won't have to suffer in an abusive relationship.
After all, when we look after people, isn't that when society moves forward and becomes better?
No one should have to be invisible.
Everyone should be seen.

Soulmates

Don't you sometimes think that some people just happen to click?
That no matter what happens, you would fly half way across the world for them?
And when they aren't there, it doesn't feel the same?
These people can be anyone. Your husband, wife, parents, siblings, friends, lovers or even pets.
Sometimes I think that the reason we live so far away from these people is because others would be jealous with what we have when we're together. That the world won't be able to handle us, since we'd create a lot of chaos. That one look can make you laugh and you know exactly what they're thinking without uttering a single word.
That's why we have these people everywhere we go, so that we always have someone to share our world with, no matter where we are.
Who are these people?
Soulmates.

I'm worth it

I don't know if I show it or not, but there are so many times in my life where I have had to deal with confidence issues. I think everyone goes through it in their lifetime at least once where they feel like they aren't worth it.

I have battled it many times, where what someone says affects me. But slowly over the years, I think that I've learned that what someone says doesn't matter. Of course it's hard when it happens to be a loved one that spouts out horrible things about you, but you can't let it affect you.

I've had many people tell me I'm worth it and I've shrugged it off in the past, but now I've started listening. I think the beginning of this year made me realise that this is my life and it's the only life that I have to live so I have to do it my way.

I can't listen to people with negativity in my life. I can't hold on to it. I have to take it in through one ear and out the other.

This isn't an easy process for me, but I am working on it. I try to avoid situations that aren't good for me and try not to take harsh words to heart.

Surround yourself with people who think you're worth it and more. I don't know if it'll help you, but it helped me.

I've started telling myself that I'm worth more than I think.

One day, I'll think I'm worth it all.

S

To You

I know I haven't written in the longest time, but I've been busy and I didn't have any inspiration to write. Bloggers block I guess you could say.

However, this post is dedicated to my friends.

I want to thank each and every one of you for being in my life and having the role that you do. Some of you are there for the deep meaningful conversations, some of you are there for the dreams, some of you are there for the silly nights and some of you are just there no matter what.

I know I don't show it much but I love you guys and I am really grateful to have such an amazing group of people who have supported me and will continue to do so in my journey through life.

These are the people who have been with me through my tantrums, my ups and my downs and I can't thank you enough.

You all know who you are, and if you don't, then I will make sure you do.

I don't know why it just hit me today, but I am very grateful for each and every one of you.

Thank you for helping me be who I am.

Don't ever change, I'll smack you.

S